Cayman Islands

My diagnosis, and what has happened since.

Feb 19, 2021

Hey everyone! How have you been? I know it's been quite a while since I last checked in on you. Life happened, that's why. I vividly remember the last time I wanted to post something here about my staycation last November. But I was like, you know what, let me just enjoy this moment. And then it went on and on as days pass by.

I haven't been active in social media either because I've been busy with a bunch of things, mainly taking care of my mental health. 

November last year was okay but my mental health has started deteriorating by the day. I don't pay much attention to it, which now I know is very wrong, as we need to take care of it as much as our physical health. It wasn't too evident at this time, as a matter of fact I joined a dance contest together with my friends for a Filipino Christmas event. We spent most nights practicing after work. It was exhausting at but a good exercise nevertheless. It also formed stronger bond among us. See our practice video here!

As a reward, by the end of the month, I booked myself a staycation in East End for 2 days and 1 night. It was such a treat, and will definitely do that again one of these days! I planned to write about my stay, like a hotel review, but I changed my mind and just enjoyed the moment.

Then December came. My mental health has gotten worse at this point. My practical driving exam was nearing and the pressure is on, especially that my instructor is kind of a perfectionist. Fear built up, and I have been experiencing a lot of anxiety symptoms more often than ever.  Fast forward, I actually perfected the driving exam (as a result of me being too anxious), and got my driver's license on the first week of December.

The anxiety however, didn't stop there.

Driving since then has been dreadful for me, with the idea of death at the back of my head every time. Driving to work is like a performance all the time, where I have to perfect my positioning, speed, and maneuvering. Any mistake, I fear for my life. To make things worse, the dance contest is also coming up in the next few weeks. 

One day in the office, I was in front of my computer, trying to gather my thoughts, when this overwhelming feeling of fear rushed through my entire body. Even though at that exact moment I am in a totally safe place, it felt like I was in grave danger. Suddenly it's so hard to breathe, my hands were so numb, and I feel so lightheaded.

I went out to get  some fresh air, the attack lasted for 30 minutes, and every time I go back to my desk it comes back. After almost an hour and a half of back and forth, I thought it was all over. I went to the board meeting with my coworkers, and lo and behold, just as I entered the board room, I started hyper ventilating and crying. It was so embarrassing but they were trying to calm me down. I gulped a bottled of water in one go, but my hands were still numb and I still couldn't catch my breath.

They were all so concerned about me. One of my coworkers gave me a doctor's contact number, and he said better go get checked as soon as possible. That same afternoon, I got checked. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I am now on medication partnered with therapy sessions.

It was such a relief to finally know what exactly was wrong with me and to take steps to treat it. I look forward to getting better sooner than later.

Anyway, I still performed at the dance contest. Although I was having an attack the first few minutes, I was able to recover halfway! And by the way, we won 1st runner up. Check out our performance here.

January came, my mental health was improving, and I have finally gathered all the courage to register for the CFA program. I'm have a strict weekly schedule for my review, but no pressure at all if I pass or not. This is a good experience for me especially for my career. I will keep you updated on how it goes!

And now at February, my friends and I are working on opening a small business. It is just in the early stages of planning but we are hoping for a smooth execution soon! I'm so excited! 

So that's it for me, that;s why I've been aloof lately, I'm taking care of myself. Hope you guys are too.

Happy weekend!

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