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Why do I feel like I've already lived through my 30s?

Cayman Islands

Sometimes it surprises me how I'm still in my twenties when I feel like I've already aged by so much the past few years. I don't know if it is the hectic work/study schedule, or the sudden lifestyle change from buy whatever you want to responsibilities before happiness. I've never felt so adult (and so exhausted!) in my life. You probably hear me complain about this all the time lol. 

My birthday is coming up and I don't even have plans or anything. I originally wanted to go shop my heart out for cosmetics and skincare, but then again I still have a handful of unopened products I hoarded when I went to the Philippines last year. Even though I already have everything I ever asked for as a child, I still keep wanting more. I guess greed is such an innate quality of humans. 

I'm trying my hardest to be contended with the material things and conveniences I have, even when it comes to food I try to not eat so much. Such a first world problem isn't it? Just because I can afford something, doesn't mean I have to buy it -- reminder to self! Work/studies has been somehow successful in keeping me distracted from my own superficialism.

I wish I could say that I have finally rekindled love with my long lost hobby of taking photos and sharing stories. I wish I could say I've gone out this long weekend to reconnect with nature or to give myself a meaningful and well deserved break. I wish I could say I went to the beach, layed on sand, with the breeze kissing my cheeks while I hear the sound the waves ever so gently touching the shore.... Such a nice scenery that only exists in my imagination lol. In reality, I did try to, but miserably failed as I set foot in the front porch. It's too damn hot outside, I can't bother lol. I guess I've lost the joy in romanticising the mundane. Time is ticking, be productive, never idle...

You know, my boyfriend has such a huge influence on me. He is such a realistic and logical person. He is never the emotional or romantic type in the sense that he sees the world as it is. He doesn't sugarcoat anything. I believe his life motto is either "Oh well." or "It is what it is." lol. He hates drama. Sometimes I wonder if he purposely dimmed that light inside him?

Anyway (I'm digressing lol), so point being is, I've somehow become like that too -- lost the spark that once ignited my spirits. Lost the will to pursue my creativity, or channel them into something tangible. I'm not saying it's a bad thing; it keeps me grounded. This world isn't the paradise I always dream it to be, and it's ok. Sometimes, it's ok to just barely exist. Not all the time we are inspired and in love with what we do. 😅

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk lol. Now here's what sums up my week:

Our mock exam scores during our study group

A photo of me taken by my ex-coworker, walking to the parking lot. (My new workplace is just upstairs!)


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